Thoughts of Pat, by Katherine Ryden

MY FRIEND PAT ……………..BY KATHERINE RYDEN 3/08

PAUL AND I MET PAT AND ED IN THE MID 1970’S. OUR CLOSE FRIENDS, JOE BAILEY AND GAIL FRANK , INVITED US TO JOIN THEM AT A JAZZ CLUB TO HEAR A FRIEND SING.

I LIKED PAT AT FIRST SIGHT….HER CHESTNUT CURLS, INFECTIOUS GIGGLE, AND LASER WIT. WE TALKED ABOUT A MOVIE CALLED RANDOM HARVEST, (WHY I AM NOT. SURE ) STARRING RONALD COLMAN. IT WAS ABOUT A WW I VET WITH AMNESIA WHO MEETS A MUSIC HALL STAR . PAT SNOOKERED ME INTO WATCHING IT WITH MY FAMILY ONE CHRISTMAS. IT WAS DREADFUL ! SHE THOUGHT IT WAS HILARIOUS THAT WE HAD ALL WATCHED IT.

PAT AND ED AND PAUL AND I MOSTLY SAW EACH OTHER AT PARTIES. WE GATHERED MANY NEW YEAR’S EVES AT OUR HOUSE. PAT LOVED TO SING AROUND THE PIANO WITH MY BROTHER BILL AT THE KEYBOARD. SHE KNEW ALL THE LYRICS OF THE GREAT TUNES OF GERSHWIN, COLE PORTER, AND RICHARD ROGERS.

WE ALWAYS ENJOYED PAT AND ED’S COMPANY BUT NEVER SAW ENOUGH OF THEM WITH OUR BUSY LIVES. WE WERE COMMUTING TO THE EAST END OF LONG ISLAND & THEY WERE BETWEEN BROOKLYN AND MARYLAND. BUT WE NEVER LOST TOUCH.

MOSTLY, I LOVED HOW PAT JUST LAPPED LIFE UP.

AFTER SHE BECAME ILL, WE REALLY BECAME CLOSE GIRL FRIENDS. I HAD LEFT MY JOB AT SCHOLASTIC AND WAS ABLE TO VISIT HER DURING HER CHEMO SESSIONS. ALL THE NURSES LOVED HER . WE HAD THE BEST TALKS.. I TOLD HER ABOUT MY TRAVELS TO ITALY, BROUGHT HER PICTURES OF OUR TRIPS. WE DISCOVERED HOW MUCH WE HAD IN COMMON. THE EXACT SAME AGE, WE TALKED ABOUT OUR MOTHERS AND FATHERS. WE BOTH LOVED TO COOK & HAVE PARTIES FILLING OUR HOUSES EVERY SUMMER WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS. WE WERE PASSIONATE GARDENERS AND SHARED A LOVE FOR ART , MUSIC, AND GOOD BOOKS.

ONE DAY, SITTING ON THE BEACH IN EAST HAMPTON, SHE TOLD ME ABOUT FALLING IN LOVE WITH ED. SHE CALLED HIM “ EASY ED, HER HERO,”. AND, SHE ALWAYS TALKED ABOUT HER BOYS. SHE GLOWED IN THE DARK WHEN SHE SPOKE OF MATT AND JUDD,

I WAS ALWAYS AMAZED BY PAT’S KNOWLEDGE. SHE KNEW A LOT ABOUT A LOT. HER INTERESTS WERE WIDE AND ECLECTIC. SHE WAS SORT OF A RENAISSANCE GAL, BUT WITHOUT THE ATTITUDE.

SHE ADORED MUSIC…… SYMPHONY, OPERA, MUSICAL COMEDY, AND OF COURSE HER BELOVED JAZZ . HER EYE FOR FINE ART WAS SHARP, AND HER OBSERVATIONS SPOT ON.

SHE LOVED SAILING AND BEING ON THE WATER….THE JERSEY SHORE, THE EAST END OF LONG ISLAND, SWIMMING IN THE OCEAN & WALKING ON THE BEACH. MOST OF ALL, SHE LOVED HER BELOVED CHESAPEAKE,

SHE KNEW ABOUT MOVIES, OLD AND NEW, LOVED THE THEATRE, ANTIQUES, POETRY, OLD TREES.

SHE LOVED PLACES…….. MANHATTAN, BROOKLYN NEIGHBORHOODS, ENGLAND, IRELAND, NEW ORLEANS. AND ARCHITECTURE,

(SHE TOOK ME TO ANNAPOLIS FOR A TOUR OF OLD HOUSES.) SHE UNDERSTOOD FARMING AND ECOLOGY AND SHE REVERED GRAND OLD TREES. SHE TAUGHT ME ABOUT OLD ROSES. WE PORED OVER BOOKS TOGETHER DECIDING WHICH ONE WAS RIGHT FOR MY ARBOR.

OVER THE LAST TEN YEARS, WE SAW MORE OF PAT AND ED. MUSEUM VISITS, WONDERFUL DINNERS OUT, TRIPS TO THE FARM AND TO OUR HOUSE NEAR THE BEACH. OUR LAST DINNER TOGETHER WAS JUST BEFORE CHRISTMAS AT MOMA( PAT’S IDEA ). IT WAS A SPECIAL EVENING. SHE WAS ENERGETIC AND RADIANT.

PAT WAS THE TRUTH FAIRY. SHE FACED HER ILLNESS HEAD ON & TALKED OPENLY ABOUT IT. SHE WAS PEOPLE WISE AND TAUGHT HER FRIENDS HOW TO HELP AND SUPPORT HER. AND SHE HAD MORE FRIENDS THAN ANYONE I KNOW. SHE MADE EACH ONE OF US FEEL SPECIAL. SHE WAS ALSO SAVVY AND KNEW HOW TO GET THINGS DONE THROUGH OTHERS. SHE GAVE GOOD COUNSEL… ALWAYS STRAIGHT TALK FILLED WITH PEPPERY INSIGHT

PAT, I KEEP SEEING YOU. I LOOK AT KALI, MY BELOVEDNGLISH COCKER. PAT KNEW THAT I WANTED A DOG AND CONVINCED ME THAT SPANIELS WERE THE SWEETEST AND THE BEST. ONCE AGAIN, SHE WAS RIGHT.

PAT INTRODUCED ME TO THE POETRY OF MARY OLIVER. HERE IS AN EXCERPT THAT REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF HER.

EXCERPT

WHEN DEATH COMES BY MARY OLIVER

WHEN DEATH COMES

LIKE AN ICEBERG BETWEEN THE SHOULD BLADES

I WANT TO STEP THROUGH THE DOOR FULL OF CURIOSITY; WONDERING;’

WHAT ITS GOING TO BE LIKE, THAT COTTAGE OF DARKNESS?

AND THEREFORE I LOOK UPON EVERYTHING

AS A BROTHERHOOD AND A SISTERHOOD,

AND I LOOK UPON TIME AS NO MORE THAN AN IDEA, AND I CONSIDER ETERNITY AS ANOTHER POSSIBILITY.

AND I THINK OF EACH LIFE AS A FLOWER AS COMMON AS A FIELD DAISY AND AS SINGULAR,

AND EACH NAME A COMFORTABLE MUSIC IN THE MOUTH,

TENDING, AS ALL MUSIC DOES, TOWARD SILENCE,

AND EACH BODY A LION OF COURAGE AND SOMETHING

PRECIOUS TO THE EARTH.

WHEN IT’S OVER, I WANT TO SAY: ALL MY LIFE

I WAS A BRIDE MARRIED TO AMAZEMENT.

I WAS THE BRIDEGROOM, TAKING THE WORLD INTO MY ARMS.

WHEN IT’S OVER, I DON’T WANT TO WONDER

IF I HAVE MADE OF MY LIFE SOMETHING PARTICULAR, AND REAL.

I DON’T WANT TO FIND MYSELF SIGHING AND FRIGHTENED, OR FULL OF ARGUMENT,

I DON’T WANT TO END UP SIMPLY HAVING VISITED THIS WORLD.